JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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