Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
