my phone needs a breathalizer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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