there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
