I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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