He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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