Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
