i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
