My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
