no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
