Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
