apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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