Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We are all done wearing pants today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
