I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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