i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
