I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
