My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
