Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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