and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
