Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
