Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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