last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
