Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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