I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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