i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
