The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
