so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
