Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize