if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
