Whod you bang
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
