I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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