well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize