Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
