He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize