I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
