dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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