Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
