Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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