if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
