Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
