Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
