oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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