she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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