I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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