I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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