He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
