Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
