so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
