So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
