I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
