Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
