I just threw up on my dentist
are you so shy because you have an std?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
