I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
