so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
