What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
