when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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