She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
