i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im six kinds of drunk right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
