She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
