i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
