don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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