i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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