she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
