Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize